It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
