i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
