goodnight i made you a song goodbye
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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