Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
