Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you guys were way drunker than both of me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
