Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
