did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
