Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
