I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
