i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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