Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
