I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your cock deserves a montage
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
