she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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