Someone shit on the floor
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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