Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
