I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
