Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
