I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
