Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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