his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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