I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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