I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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