so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
