Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
