so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
