ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
