I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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