HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
