Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
