I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is my life. Enjoy the view
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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