You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
