The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
