weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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