I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
