Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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