i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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