i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
