you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Randomize
