u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
