You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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