I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
