I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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