the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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