I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
