i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dear god my vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
