stop calling my apartment porn island.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize