I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
