if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
