Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just pee around me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
