He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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