Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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