We're facebook friends in real life
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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