Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
