She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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