So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
