no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
