i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
