I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
