i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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