Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
