i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And then he peed in my hair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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