ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize