May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
40s are totally the cure
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
