I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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