Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize