WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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