You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
