Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
