Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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