eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
